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Bedtime Problems

Having a child who will not go to bed at night can be extremely frustrating and can contribute to significant conflict between caregiver and child. Here are some ideas for a smoother transition to sleep:

1. Try to keep the same bedtime, even on the weekends. Children’s bodies get into a sleep/wake rhythm and it gets disrupted if they are allowed to stay up late on weekends.

2. Develop a routine. Go for a walk, lay out clothes for the next morning, get homework in the backpack, take a bath, brush teeth, sing a song, read a story, hugs and kisses, lights out.

3. Arrange the routine so that it goes from active to calm. Don’t do a lot of “rough-housing” and then expect your children to be able to quickly fall asleep.

4. Don’t make the routine so long and involved that you find yourself canceling it on many nights. As your child grows, you can gradually shorten the routine.

5. Once the routine has been completed, don’t give in to “I need a drink,” or any of the other excuses your child might come up with to gain your attention. The routine provides for all real needs to be met. When explaining the routine to your child, let them know ahead of time that once you leave you will be ignoring any further requests from them because getting enough sleep is very important to them.

6. If your child comes out of his/her room after being put to bed, gently guide them back to bed without giving them any eye contact, conversation, or additional hugs and kisses (this would only make them want to get out of bed again). Initially you may have to lead your child back to bed many times before they finally get the message that it will do no good to keep getting up. Some parents station themselves right outside the door to stop their child before they can slip out and get to the refrigerator or TV.

7. Night light? Door Open? If your child is compliant with going to bed after the routine, there is no reason not to leave on a light or leave the door open. However, explain to them that if they get out of bed unnecessarily, they may lose the privilege of the light or open door.

8. Whenever you are starting any new type of parenting strategy, take time to explain it to your child so they know ahead of time what to expect. Even so, their behavior may get worse before it gets better because they are testing your limits to see if you are really going to follow through on this new intervention. Do not give up at this point. Things will get better if you are consistent with your plan.