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Catch Them Being Good

Many parents find themselves constantly telling their children to “stop doing that” or “don’t do this.” That practice tends to make the job of parenting a very negative experience and makes children think they can do nothing right. With the “Catch Them Being Good” method you are constantly pointing out what you like about your child’s behavior. “I loved the way you got up when your alarm went off this morning.”

Why Use It?

1. It teaches your child specifically what you expect in their behavior.

2. The more time spent on neutral or acceptable behavior, the less effort you need to devote to punishment.

3. You start paying more attention to the appropriate things your child is doing.

4. Your child starts paying more attention to the appropriate things they are doing and take pride in their behavior.

5. Interactions between parent and child are much more enjoyable.

How to Do It

1. Be very specific with your comments. Don’t just say, “Good job!”

2. Use short, descriptive phrases such as “I like the way you are sharing your toys with your sister.”

3. Or don’t say anything. A pat on the head, a rub on the back, or that special smile, tells them you like how they are acting.

Use it with All Ages

1. Babies – In the morning, pick up your baby while she is still cooing and looking around. If you wait until she starts crying, you are teaching her that in order to be picked up, she must cry.

2. Toddlers – If your toddler is playing nicely, allowing you to get your laundry done, don’t ignore them until they fuss. Walk by often and give them a pat on the back. Words are not necessary.

3. Elementary school – Notice when they pick up a book to read, throw their dirty clothes in the hamper, or cooperate while you are shopping.

4. Teens – Give them a positive comment when they start their homework on their own, put a glass in the dishwasher, or get home before curfew. Having a hard time finding anything they are doing right??? The more you practice, the more good things you will discover, and the more they are likely to produce good behaviors.

5. Spouse – Yes, this method even works with spouses. Let them know you have noticed the nice things they do, even small things such as taking the kids to school, helping clear the table, doing a great job with the laundry.

Other Ways to Catch Them Being Good

1. Display work on the refrigerator

2. Third-hand compliment -- Let them overhear you tell someone else (spouse, grandma) about something your child has done well.

3. Write them a note/letter – Make it a habit to write them a yearly letter listing all the things you appreciate about them. Or periodically put a sticky note on their bedroom door stating admiration for something they did.

When you are recognized for things you are doing well, you are much more likely to continue doing them. Catching your kids being good sends them the message that they are capable, competent children.