Strategies

*Look for activities and programs that are developmentally appropriate for the age/developmental level of your child. Activities that are perfect for a two year old may be boring for a five year old. When selecting an activity, look at the ages recommended by the group providing the opportunity and think about how your child fits into those guidelines.

*Be sure programs for young children either include parents (a good idea in most cases for children younger than age three), or have the appropriate number of staff per child if the program does not include parents.

*Your child will be most successful if you arrange activities at times that fit his schedule. He will not be at his best socially if he is hungry, tired or not feeling well.

*Recognize what appropriate social behavior looks like at different ages. If an activity for two year old includes playing with balls, there should be enough balls for every child to have one. Three year olds can wait a short amount of time for a turn (but not too long), and four year olds begin to be able to take true turns. If the program is asking young children to wait long periods of time for a turn, you will begin to see inappropriate behaviors.

*Allow your child to get used to the setting and begin to support age appropriate interactions as she becomes more comfortable. If you are sitting with a group of children building with blocks, draw your child’s attention to the tower the child next to her is making. “Look, Sarah, the little boy is making a big tower too.”

*Praise your child’s attempts to begin social interaction. If your child hands another child a block for his tower, tell her how much you like her behavior.

*Never criticize your child in front of him. Parents sometimes comment on how shy John is and how social another child is in front of the child. Children understand much more than they are able to say at this age.

*If your child behaves in socially unacceptable ways while in the group setting, correct your child clearly and immediately. “Sara, no hitting” and then remove your child from that setting. Time outs can be implemented in almost all settings. Think of time out as time without attention rather than as a physical place. Physical punishment is not typically the best way to teach appropriate social skills because children imitate the model provided by their parents.

*Simple activities are often the most fun at this age. Children are still most interested in being able to use their large muscle skills in their social interactions so settings that allow movement for at least part of the time are often most successful.

*Three and four year olds are typically ready to participate in activities without their parents. At this age children begin to enjoy activities with more structure and can participate in games with simple rules or projects that require more steps to complete. Activities that involve creating a craft project in a group setting or attending to stories for longer periods of time become more pleasurable.

*At three and four, children begin to have the language to negotiate with their peers. When children have conflicts, learning to talk about solutions with the other child will set the groundwork for future problem solving skills. This is a time that parents or group leaders can help the children work out a solution by supporting their interaction following a conflict. “Sarah, tell John what you want.” “John, Sarah says she would like a turn with the shopping cart. May she have a turn?” These interactions can take some time but a great deal of learning occurs with these interactions.

*Three and four year old children also begin to have preferred friends and want to spend time with these preferred friends. Children in this age group begin to enjoy dramatic play and imaginary activities. Programs that include opportunities to role play, dress up and pretend are excellent for these ages.